When I'm Gone
by butterfly.cell
Summary: Tracks through the entire TV stories, picking out the most appropriate parts for the lyrics. Song fic from Jack and Ianto's POVs alternate.. roughly . LIttle bit of Gwen Bashing, beware! X Jack/Ianto pairing X


First off, my apologies for all the random little cracky song fics... this one is my least favourite so far, so I may take it down if people don't like it.

The song is called When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down, I suggest now that you all go off and watch it on youtube or something, because it's such a beautiful song (in fact, all of their stuff is.. I really love them, they're awesome!)

I must say, on the Torchwood site (on the BBC) the backstage things for Fragments are fabulous! Two of them are up clsoe and personal with GDL, and he tells of kissing Jack and people's reactions... SO CUTE!! GAH!

This kinda just tracks through little bits from the begining (or from Ianto's past) to roughly the time of Meat I'm thinking, not sure. It really is just a little cracky thing, not my favourite piece ever. I hope you lot like it more than I do. I honestly don't really get why I've put it up... so yes, enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, all characters belong to Russel T. Davies and the song belongs to 3 Doors Down

* * *

**When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down**

_**There's another world inside of me  
**__**That you may never see  
**__**There's secrets in this life  
**__**That I can't hide**_

Ianto knew the moment he set eyes on Jack that his life was never going to be easy again. Whether it was the Captain's cavalier good looks, roguish grin or his persona, Ianto was captivated, on a level he hadn't been aware of for a long time. When they'd been thrown to the floor after the capture of the pterodactyl, he'd felt the first, tiny, spark of attraction between the two of them.

He'd desperately wanted to act on the impulse, to bend his head down just that little bit further and kiss the man hard on the lips, but something held him back. The thought of Lisa, half converted and in unbelievable amounts of pain, lying unconscious in the makeshift life support machine. Back then, he'd thought he could carry off the lie until Lisa had been healed, cured.

He'd been so wrong. Jack had shot her first, then the others. Ianto hadn't realised until a few weeks later that the blistering and passionate love he'd felt for Lisa had died back in the ruins of Torchwood London, turning to the calmer, more constant love of a familiar face. He'd clung to her to try and find some good from the organisation that had torn his world apart. Looking back, it had been one of the best things he'd done. He'd met Jack Harkness, he'd fallen in love again.

But Jack's reaction, the feeling of his gun against Ianto's temple… That had almost been too much. After that night, he'd hated Jack. Loved him, yes, but hated him more than words could've described.

_**Somewhere in this darkness  
**__**There's a light that I can't find  
**__**Maybe it's too far away...  
**__**Maybe I'm just blind...  
**__**Maybe I'm just blind...**_

Jack had been through so much heart ache and pain over Ianto. He'd agonised over his decision for hours, trying to work out what was best for Torchwood, but coming back to whether he could let his latest crush go. The world had felt pretty bleak standing in the basement, watching Ianto howling in pain and grief over the two dead bodies. Lisa was part of both of them, but the confusion and fear on the young man's face had been excruciating. He hadn't known which body to cradle, so he'd just dropped to the floor beneath them.

He'd left the young on his own out of respect and rage; his lip was starting to throb a little, his jaw painful to move too much. He'd sat and contemplated the merits of his options. His first was to execute Ianto then and there due to gross violations of the rules, let alone threatening to make Rose's sacrifice worthless. She would be dead for nothing if the cyberwoman had gotten free.

His second was to retcon Ianto, make him forget Torchwood completely. That would mean he'd forget the past 3 or 4 years of his life, and he'd no doubt be in a mental institute for the rest of his life because of it. He couldn't do that to the man, he was too intelligent, to smart and funny to ruin his life in such a way. The final choice was to suspend him for a stretch of time. That would have to do. Hopefully Ianto could find a way to get over the experiences of the day. Deep down, Jack knew he had nothing outside of Torchwood, so having to spend weeks away from work would be the best punishment for him.

Hopefully he'd come back in one piece… God knows they needed him to keep the place running smoothly.

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone**_

The encounter with the cannibals had been a huge shock to Ianto's system. They spent so long battling aliens and things from other planets that they'd neglected the one they lived on, the dangers from Earth.

It had shaken Ianto to the core, so badly that he hadn't been able to drive himself home. Jack had looked after him, taken him back to his flat and got him in the bath. Not once did he try to make a move on him, and Ianto couldn't help feeling a little relieved; the bruises and cuts were far too painful. Instead, Jack had put him to bed and then gone to settle on the sofa.

At first, all had been well. Ianto had fallen asleep and for a while, it was peaceful. Then the memory of the knife on his throat broke in, the leering face above him so close that he couldn't fight it. He'd sat up in shock, gasping for air as the image lingered. He'd almost jumped when he felt arms around him in the dark, holding him close and calming him down. He'd clung tightly to the warm body, burying his head in the strong shoulder. He felt his heart rate slow back down as the hand on his back rubbed slow circles over his skin. Jack hadn't said a word, but Ianto knew then and there that he'd been forgiven completely for the incident with Lisa.

Jack had gently pulled him down onto the bed and Ianto felt his arms stay around him as he lay back, Jack's warmth radiating through his back, lulling him to sleep.

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

Ianto realised over the following weeks what had happened when he'd first met Jack. The attraction that had planted itself in his subconscious all those months ago had emerged and was growing stronger by the day. He knew that Jack probably didn't feel the same way, but he was happy to be whatever Jack needed him to be; someone to talk to, a passing shag or a genuine companion on a lonely night. Anything to get closer to him, to spend time with him.

Jack was Jack, he wasn't going to settle down with anyone, least of all Ianto.

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good**_

When the team opened the rift, he saw regret in Ianto's eyes instantly. He'd clung to the young man for support and comfort. Right then, at that moment, he knew what Ianto felt for him, everything that ran beneath the surface, and he realised he felt exactly the same. He knew then that he'd give up the world for Ianto, he'd give up anything.

As they emerged from the hub to the sounds of Abadon, Jack knew then that there was only one way he could keep Ianto safe from the beast's grips. He'd given Ianto a final look, a look that said he would never break his trust, that he wanted to be with him more than anything. Ianto had replied in the same fashion and he'd ordered Gwen to take him away, take him somewhere where he could do his best to keep Ianto safe. She had to take him to what would mostly likely be his death.

The last thought that passed through his mind, apart from the pain, was at least Ianto would live.

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone  
**__**Love me when I'm gone...**_

Ianto had cried so many times over the death of Lisa, but the death of Jack was even worse. He didn't cry for a while, in too much shock and disbelief to feel anything but numb. He'd desperately wanted Gwen to leave Jack's side, so he could stay a while, alone with him and tell him how much he loved and needed him. The selfish bitch hadn't given any of them a chance to stay with the body, to say their final goodbyes. If she thought she deserved the sit with him, why couldn't the rest of them?

Ianto had settled on hiding in Jack's office, sitting quietly in the middle of the floor and taking in his possessions, the smell of his coat, the messy way he'd left everything. That was when he cried, when he had to straighten out the case files. He'd buried his face in the coat again and cried himself to sleep right there in the middle of the office. He felt like he would die from the pain of losing Jack, against all odds. He just wanted Jack to be there, to laugh at him and tell him it was all a joke and that it would be alright again.

When he'd appeared in the doorway to the vaults, the shock had been too much, he could barely make his legs move, but when they did, they ran. Within seconds he was in Jack's arms again, the strong grip keeping him close, healing the deep aching wound that his death had caused.

_**When your education x-ray  
**__**Can not see under my skin  
**__**I won't tell you a damn thing  
**__**That I could not tell my friends**_

Gwen had fixed Jack with so many looks, so many inquisitive stares, that he'd started to get annoyed. He'd returned from his trip with the Doctor and Martha to find the team were dealing wonderfully in his absence. They'd all thrived in the face of diversity, and he was proud of them. But Gwen was doing her all-healing-heart act and trying to get him to confide the details of his trip with her. _I'm not telling you anything I wouldn't tell Ianto first… And I don't want to tell him yet, he doesn't need to know…_

He'd walked out of the room so many times that he was wondering why he didn't just order her to keep her eyes on her work. It was distracting, and when he wanted Ianto to come into his office, she'd give him a strange look and try to find out what was going on. Couldn't he kiss his partner without her prying?

_**Roaming through this darkness  
**__**I'm alive but I'm alone  
**__**Part of me is fighting this  
**__**But part of me is gone**_

They'd been the happiest they could have been over the weeks after Jack's return, experiencing everything as if for the first time; the feel of each other's breath on their skin, the touch of the other's hands. It had been a wonderful experience for Ianto, who'd never felt that close to someone before, not even Lisa. The darkness they experienced each day because of their job was balanced out by the intimacy they shared in the hours between work.

Suddenly, all the trials and hardship they'd endured were worth it, the pain of death and the grief of losing a loved one, it was all worth it to be there and then.

Jack knew that it wouldn't last though. He knew that he'd never age and Ianto would, growing old and dying all in due time. They would have years, a decade at best when they could be together, but that wasn't enough for Jack. He was intoxicated by the Welshman and he never wanted to give him up. The pain that accompanied the realisation that they'd have to part was so great he forced the thought from his head every time it appeared.

"In the end, we'll die alone, just like everyone else." The revelation came again whilst he was curled up in Ianto's bed with the young man nestled into his chest. He couldn't hold it back and had to let it out, he had to say it.

"I know, Jack… I know." Ianto gently rubbed Jack's back as he felt his breathing grow a little ragged as tears gripped his throat. "But we can still be together. Here and now, we can be together."

With that, Jack tilted Ianto's face towards him and gave him the most passionate and affectionate kiss they'd ever shared.

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone**_

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good**_

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone**_

_**Maybe I'm just blind...**_

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone**_

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good**_

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone  
**__**Love me when I'm gone...**_

_**Love me when I'm gone  
**__**When I'm Gone  
**__**When I'm Gone  
**__**When I'm Gone**_


End file.
